Forget “How to Train Your Dragon”; Dreamworks should’ve made a movie called “How to Train Your Producers”, because clearly Peter Ramsey just isn’t getting it with the expensive box office failure, also known as “Rise of the Guardians”. With the so called family-friendly movie giving children nightmares and the boring run-of-the-mill plotline, combined with the millions of dollars of loss that Dreamworks is barely recovering from, I would rather deal with the evil ‘boogeyman’ protagonist, Pitch than watch it again.

Oh so let me get this straight; family-friendly now includes a tatted, burly Santa, a foul-mouthed Easter Bunny, and a scantily-clad, flirtatious tooth fairy. Oh, isn’t it reassuring that even the youngest generation’s media is being perverted from the classic family-oriented holiday tales to their own personal tot-sized biker (or turbo-powered sleigh) gang. Now, add on top of this the fact that they portray fear or the boogeyman in such a graphic way that the children get nightmares from a “children-friendly movie.” Pitch himself with fill their minds with images of terror and instill violence and darkness into their impressionable minds. A sullen, pale, downright creepy man that looks like he needs to lay off the meth isn’t exactly what kids should be looking at and certainly not laughing at.

Also, a blind guy could see the ending coming after the endlessly repetitive plotline. Seriously, the whole good-vs-evil, underdog-becomes-great thing just isn’t cutting it anymore. We want more! Every single Dreamworks movie seems to follow the basic cookie-cutter model and it’s sickening. The story follows a group filled with clashing personalities that somehow manage to get along and may even become friends. Seen it. Ever heard of ‘Toy Story’. Good overcomes evil or beats odds even with little hope. Literally every. Single. Dreamworks movie. On the face of this earth. Shrek, Kung Fu Panda, Antz, Shark Tales: Everything.

Additionally, this movie literally RUINED lives It led to the decision to make substantial layoffs — 350 during the year. During the days of Walt, how many people could say with tear in their eye, “Disney ruined my life?” Honestly? None. Well now literally hundreds can. What a sob story that would be. Wouldn’t a long line of mickey ears filling the unemployment office be a sight? DreamWorks Animation lost a massive sum of $50 million on the film. DreamWorks Animation CEO Jeff Katzenberg even said that Guardians “was the first movie of ours in 17 in a row that didn’t work,” however, “when that happens it makes you rethink everything.…. we’ve done a reset and we’ve done it across the board.” Thank you Peter Ramsey, you’re a dime (something nearly 400 hundred loyal ex-employers won’t have the luxury of having now that they are jobless.)

Do not. I repeat, do not go to this film unless you for some reason just love to have your childhood ripped away and a sea of disappointment crashing over you. If that’s you then go for it, but say goodbye to the days of Toy Story; they are past infinity and beyond. Shrek will forever reside in the swamp; the good ol’ days are orge. And nobody will ever be kung fu fighting again. Well that is unless Peter Ramsey “Move[s] it. Move[s] it out of here and Dreamworks goes back to their roots.